Sometimes You Have to Let Go

I’ve had a challenging week. 

I’ve been working with a client for the past few months. She came to us looking for help. 

Her business is failing. It has been in a steady decline for years.  

After experiencing an all-time financial low last spring, she decided to reach out for help.  

She knows she needs to make changes. She wants to be successful. Yet, her actions don’t convey the same message. 

When we met a few months ago, we co-created a plan built on solid business practices. We brought in her team. Everyone added ideas and happily agreed.  

I expected positive gains when I checked in a few weeks later. Nothing had moved forward.  

The software that they had agreed to test for three months had been abandoned after an hour. While they saw its advantages, they felt it disrupted their workflow. They decided to continue using their outdated, glitchy software instead. 

I let it go for the time being and encouraged them to complete the other tasks we had agreed upon before our next meeting. They enthusiastically agreed. 

When we met, nothing had been completed. A few tasks had been started, but nothing concrete had been carried out. The client insisted they needed more time.  

This cycle continued, week after week, and it baffled me. 

So, I tried tweaking the plan. I extended deadlines. I assigned responsibilities. I created checklists. I suggested many different ideas, some that were dismissed, others that were agreed upon but never completed.  

When my ideas failed, I reached out to friends and colleagues – business experts, coaches, and even a therapist or two. I tried everything and it always met with the same result. 

Until this week. 

This week I insisted that we look at numbers. Unsurprising to me, the business had continued to decline. Their business practices, the ones they knew had to change, had not changed. Not one part of our plan had been implemented.  

And I got blamed.  

Refusing to fail, I racked my brain again, staying up long into the night, considering possible next steps. 

Then, I stumbled upon a newsletter authored by James Clear. The question of the week asked: “Without altering the facts of the situation I am facing and without ignoring the reality of what must be done, what is the most useful and empowering story I can tell myself about what is happening and what I need to do next?” 

It caused me to pause. 

I didn’t know.  

I knew the reality of the situation. I knew the facts. But I didn’t feel empowered. I had no idea what story I could tell myself to feel empowered. I was also unsure of my next steps. 

Then it came to me.  

I had to let go. I had done everything I could. I researched and consulted with experts. I listened to the client and her team while we co-created the work plan. I was patient, encouraging, and compassionate.  

I just couldn’t do the work for her. She had to, and she wasn’t ready. 

It saddened me to know that her business would likely continue to decline. I wanted her to experience success. Yet, I had to let go of the responsibility of making her business successful. 

Letting go wasn’t easy, but it did feel like a weight had been lifted.  

This is a hard lesson I’ve had to learn over the years, with students and with clients. It may be one that you’ve struggled with too. 

 If so, I invite you to take the same challenge James Clear offered his readers a few weeks ago: “Without altering the facts of the situation I am facing and without ignoring the reality of what must be done, what is the most useful and empowering story I can tell myself about what is happening and what I need to do next?” 

Every story will be different. However, if it is anything like mine, it will lead to a feeling of lightness, a sense of release, an inner strength, and a deeper sleep.  

Best wishes, Lauren