Positive Thinking or Managing Expectations?

For my entire life I have been a firm believer in the power of positive thinking.  

Then, I heard Ryan Holiday discussing Stoic wisdom on the Calm app. Now I’m not so sure. 

During my early 20s, the power of positive thinking abounded. Authors like Wayne Dyer and Tony Robins intrigued me. I watched the film The Secret multiple times. I made a dream board.  

I believed that thoughts became actions, and that thinking and being positive resulted in positive outcomes. It didn’t mean you ignore reality; it meant you approach life with the expectation that things will go well. 

I also believed that the role of optimism and positive thinking is linked to health. Studies have found that a positive attitude improves health outcomes and life satisfaction. And who doesn’t want that? 

Then I learned about Stoicism – a school of philosophy that is informed by its system of logic. Now, I’m wondering if this may be the smarter philosophy to follow. 

According to author Ryan Holiday, Stoics are realists who believe anything might happen. They anticipate everything. They would rather be pleasantly surprised that something good happens than unpleasantly surprised that something bad happens. 

Stoics also recognize that humans are human. They aren’t bitter or angry when a person acts jealous, unkind or hurtful. They are ready for it. They are also ready for long lines, rude drivers and anything else life brings.  

They believe in Murphy’s Law – the idea that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. They also believe that when you’re prepared for such challenges, they will ripple through you without it affecting you or your happiness. In other words, if you’re expecting it, it won’t negatively affect you.  

As a result, they are often early risers, focusing and achieving in the morning when they are most in control; doing what they can before interrupted by the chaos of the day. 

They engage in pre-mortem. Unlike a post-mortem that assesses what went wrong after the situation ends, a premortem comes at the beginning of a project. Team members generate plausible reasons for the project’s potential failure in order to avoid them. That way you have a contingency plan of what to do if things take a turn for the worst. 

Stoics take this one step further. They have a contingency plan for everything – a business launch, a flight, a vacation, a meeting, the day. They are prepared. 

Part of me loves this idea. I don’t like surprises. I don’t want to be disappointed by people. I want to go with the flow and accept what is. 

On the other hand, I want to expect the best in people and in situations. I still believe that thoughts become actions.  

In the end, I’m still not sure the best path forward.

But I am curious enough to experiment and to see how each type of mindset will unfold.