Honouring the cracks of experience

I was talking to a friend the other day who decided to close her business.

She had launched a business several years ago as a side hustle, had some success, but just didn’t have the time to continue to put in the effort it required.

As we talked, I realized how much she was still struggling with this decision.

She seemed so disappointed in herself - disappointed that she became overwhelmed with challenges, disappointed with how she handled certain situations, and disappointed that she couldn’t maintain the level of effort she had previously.

After we talked for a while, she shook her head and simply said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She said she felt embarrassed. She wanted to move on and forget the entire situation.

I have thought about this conversation a lot. I have such empathy for her. I know I have been there, reacted in a similar way when I have experienced failure and disappointment. Perhaps we all have.

When we experience a failure, whether it is a failed relationship or business venture, we often perceive it negatively. We feel broken and devalued. It is common for people to avoid or want to move forward from their missteps.  

We are trained to think that failure means loss.

But what if we changed our perception and viewed our mistakes, flaws, and errors with appreciation? What if we saw the beauty in these challenges?  

There is a Japanese art form where artists mend broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. It is called Kintsugi, which translates as golden joinery.

When a tea bowl breaks or a plate cracks the pottery pieces are artfully put back together – built on the premise that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you create an even more beautiful piece of art.

Rather than seeing imperfections as something to be hidden or covered-up, Kintsugi embraces the brokenness, highlighting the cracks instead of hiding them.

Reflecting on my friend’s failed business venture, I can’t help but recognize that we often react to failure with shame and embarrassment.

Our natural inclination is to start fresh. But in doing so, we miss the opportunity and beauty of mending pieces of ourselves back together. What makes us beautiful are our so-called flaws and mistakes, and the ways in which we fill in those cracks.  

So, the next time you experience failure or disappointment, try to remember the art of Kintsugi. Honour the scrapes, chips, and cracks of your experience. They prove how far you’ve come.