Over the years I have heard a lot of endorsements for being gritty – sticking to hard things that are worthwhile.  

I heard this message from my parents. I heard this message in the field of education. I felt grittiness was the key to success. 

Unfortunately, this type of thinking caused me to stay way too long in unhappy situations or in circumstances that weren’t worthwhile. Like many gritty people I kept thinking I could turn things around. I knew how much time I had invested in a situation, and it felt foolish to give up now. I sometimes wondered what people would think if I walked away. But mostly, I felt like a failure. I was disappointed in myself.  

Then I heard author and world poker champion Annie Duke talk about quitting. She said that what separates the elite poker players from the amateurs is how good people are at exercising their ability to quit.

Professional players fold 75-85% of the time when dealt the first two cards in a game of Texas Hold’em. Whereas 50%+ of amateurs play the two-card combo. Then when the betting starts, pros are also more likely to quit based on new information – the new cards handed down and the bets made around the table.

Pros make good calculations and realize quickly when there isn’t a good return on investment. Amateurs find it too painful to let go of the money they’ve invested. They’re much stickier. 

To combat this problem of sticking to any situation past the point you should, Annie Duke gave the following recommendations: 

1. Set a loss limit. When we’re in the middle of a situation, we’re not particularly rationale. So, setting a limit before embarking on a situation is important. As is the accountability of sharing this commitment with others. Both the loss limit and public acknowledgement of this limit prevents people from being too sticky. 

2. Weigh the odds. When thinking about a situation, consider how happy you are likely to be in the future if you stay on your current path. Then consider the odds of you being happier if you change. For example, if it is 90% likely that you will be unhappy if you remain in your current job, and there is a 50/50 chance of you being unhappy if you leave, the odds should speak for themselves.   

3. Don’t let the outcome determine if you made a good decision. Sometimes good outcomes come out of bad decisions. Sometimes bad outcomes come from the right decision. Judging a situation by the outcome is not a good way to decide if you made the right choice. 

4. Set a time limit with happiness criteria. Decide how long you are willing to endure a situation. 3 months? A year? Then, write down the criteria or signals that show that things are turning around. Also write a list that signals if the situation is persisting. Finally, find a mentor, therapist or an unbiased 3rd party that will be honest with you and will help you stay accountable to your time limit and happiness criteria.  

The truth is, we are more likely to stick with the status quo than we are to make a change. We’re also more tolerant of a negative outcome when we stick to the status quo than a negative outcome when we’ve made a change. Active choices feel much more impactful than passive ones. 

It is also important to note that changing your circumstances is not helpful if you need to change your actions instead. You can’t run away from yourself. Self-reflection is important, not just during difficulties or the big life decisions. Instead, it should be an ongoing process of looking at alternatives that help us navigate our personal and professional path. 

You can’t succeed at anything unless you stick to it. You do need grit. But you also need to know when to quit. Considering the recommendations offered by Annie Duke may help this decision-making process.  

It also helps to remember that many decisions are reversible. You can often start again. 

Best wishes, Lauren