Can bosses be friends?

Can bosses be friends?

This was a topic that came up over the Christmas holidays.

My cousin, Sarah, has a new boss who recently moved into her neighbourhood. During the holiday season, she and her husband received an invitation from Sarah’s boss to stop by for a drink.

While the invitation was unexpected, Sarah thought it was a friendly gesture and an opportunity to get to know one another better.

Not everyone at Christmas dinner felt that way.

One family member argued that this could be a slippery slope. She thought that as a friend you are privy to certain details and often given special treatment. However, bosses can’t or shouldn’t give preferential treatment to employees, whether they are friends or not.

Another argued that a boss who is a friend may feel that they can ask for your help more regularly. And since they are your boss, it will be difficult to politely decline if you’re not interested.

I personally have never been close friends with any of my bosses before, but I know others who have. Those relationships always gave me pause. I too wondered if or how the lines blur.

I imagine friendships between bosses and subordinates can be difficult, especially if the workplace is hierarchical. Bosses also must make tough decisions that may have undesirable outcomes. It can be difficult to not get feelings hurt, if unfavourable decisions are made by a person who is supposed to be your friend.

This happened to a friend of mine. As her friend transitioned into the role of manager, the dynamic of their friendship did change. She understands now why it had to change, but at the time, she was hurt when her close friend created distance and began treating her the same as everyone else at work.  

When I shared this story with my family, my brother-in-law agreed that it is difficult to navigate friendships when you’re in charge. Having been in a few managerial positions himself, he suggested that being friendly, but not friends, was the best course of action.

He acknowledged that you’re bound to make decisions that are not going to sit well with everyone, and it is difficult to maintain friendships if you have to make a decision a friend won’t like.

At the end of conversation everyone more or less agreed that it can be detrimental to a workplace if a boss plays favourites. Colleagues can grow to resent the person being favoured, and it can create unnecessary divisions. People may wonder why they weren’t chosen and why others were.

Inclusivity is important to keeping the work dynamic positive. It is also something we can all play a role in.

As a challenge this week, consider an opportunity where you can be more inclusive. It can be as simple as inviting the entire team to enjoy social time after work (perhaps via Zoom) or to be part of a lunch club. People can choose to join or decline. It is the genuine gesture of inclusivity that matters.  

It will likely create a more positive work environment and it may even create new bonds among colleagues that weren’t previously there.