Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap
Just this past week, I found myself reflecting on my own professional journey, which, like many, is far from linear. There have been moments of great achievement, but also times when progress seemed to come to a standstill. This ebb and flow of success and stagnation brought to mind a crucial lesson from Adam Grant, shared on Jay Shetty’s podcast "On Purpose": the importance of valuing personal progress over external comparison.
I’ve come to understand that the human brain craves progress and rewards. Even small achievements can ignite a sense of fulfillment and happiness. It gives people tangible evidence and confidence that they are moving towards their goals.
However, when that doesn’t happen (or when it doesn’t happen on a regular basis) we get stuck in that feeling of stagnation, which can be profoundly disheartening. These inevitable pauses, which are part of everyone journey, can be periods of intense self-doubt, financial strain, and even existential questioning about one’s path. The idea of progress can feel distant, almost illusory.
Then we often start comparing ourselves to others. Not in the positive way, where we can look to others for inspiration and learning. Instead, we begin to look at others, wondering why they are growing faster or are more successful. We forget that everyone has a different starting point and a different pace, that some start with more advantages and others must travel a greater distance.
Rather than looking outward and comparing ourselves to others, we need to personalize our benchmarks for success and progress by looking at ourselves.
As Grant suggested, consider how proud or excited you would have been knowing what you have achieved already. And when you set future goals, take the same approach. Set a realistic bar of what you can accomplish. Don’t compare your goals to other people. Look inward. This will create a healthier and more fulfilling perspective on personal achievement and the progress you’ve made.
This is what I’m currently trying to do for myself. It is a journey for me too. However, there are a few strategies are helping me. They may help you too:
1. Journal the Journey. In the past I have documented my weekly achievements, consisting of one or two small wins per week. Tracking these wins helps me recognize my progress and the forward motion I am making, even if it is small and slow. It is a practice I recently started again.
2. Set Personalized Goals. I’m learning to set goals based on my circumstances, not influenced by others’ achievements. This means I am starting to really look closely at my life to define what success looks like to me. It also means I’m understanding that my pace and path will differ from others. This has been a challenge for me.
3. Practice Gratitude. Every night at 9pm my phone reminds me to practice gratitude. At this time, I take a moment to name a few things out loud that I’m grateful for in my life. This shift in focus helps me appreciate what I have achieved rather than what I haven’t.
4. Seek Inspiration, Not Comparison: Instead of comparing myself with others, I'm trying to look at stories for inspiration. Following people who are not overnight success stories, but rather those who have taken the long road to success has helped. It also reminds me that everyone’s journey is unique, including their challenges and advantages.
5. Engage in Self-Care: Now that I’m in my 40s, I’m taking self-care much more seriously. I’ve realized its importance in maintaining a healthy perspective. Whether it’s a walk, reading a book, or simply taking a break, nurturing myself helps me return to my challenges with a renewed mindset.
I am still within this journey, grappling with these feelings and trying to apply these strategies in my life. It’s a continuous process of learning and unlearning, of acknowledging that success is not a race but a personal journey with its own set of milestones.
To anyone on a similar journey, I encourage you to reflect on your path. Celebrate your progress, set personalized (and realistic) goals, and remember, feeling overwhelmed at times is part of the process. What truly matters is how we respond to these feelings and keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Best wishes, Lauren