Afraid to say no because you might miss out on a big opportunity? 

You’re not alone. Most of us have been here. I know I have. 

There have been so many times in my life I said yes because I feared I would miss out on an opportunity.  

I applied for roles at work I didn’t really want. I joined exciting projects that didn’t really excite me. I started programs I believed were worthwhile but didn’t inspire me.  

I latched on to these so-called opportunities, especially early in my career and life, even when they didn’t align with my goals. 

I thought opportunities were unique and special. I believed that it was now or never, that someone else would grab the opportunity if I did not. 

What I didn’t realize was that these opportunities are, as author Chris Wilson says, “nothing more than fool’s gold—a superficial resemblance to what we actually want.” 

What we need to do, as entrepreneur Grace Bonney shares in her New York Times bestseller In the Company of Women, is to recognize that “if opportunities are arising, it is an indication that you’re on the right path—not that you’ve arrived at a final destination you can never find again.”  

“If someone is choosing you,” as Bonney explains, “it means you’re doing something right. That is the biggest opportunity you can receive—the chance to recognize that your hard work is paying off. If you continue to do good work, those opportunities will continue—and improve—over time.” 

Rather than seeing an opportunity as a one-off or a once-in-a-lifetime situation, I need to recognize that if people are reaching out, then I’m on the right track.  

I also need to realize that by saying no to the things that don’t matter I have the time and space to say yes to the things that do matter. 

Every time we say yes to something, something as small as posting on social media or taking a phone call we are simultaneously saying no to something else. Something that may be more important to our life goals and aspirations. 

This shift in perspective has had a big impact on me and my life. It has reduced pressure and has offered me the freedom to put energy and focus into the things that are most meaningful to me.  

I am slowly getting better at choosing where I want to invest my energy, but this is not something I have mastered. I still feel that I’m letting people down when I say no.  

At the same time, I know that if I commit to a project that I’m not really committed to, it will disappoint them much more than if I had said no from the start. My performance will also likely suffer, as will my happiness. 

So, I’m learning to ask myself these two simple questions.  

1. Does this opportunity excite me?  

2. Does this opportunity align with my goals?  

When I can say yes to both questions, I know I’m on the right track. My decisions become centered, and I don’t become overcommitted and overwhelmed. I also experience less stress and far more work-life balance. I am also experiencing more joy.  

The trick is to recognize that the opportunities that come our way are acknowledgements of hard work, and that more will come if the work is consistent. And then to choose wisely.  

I’m still learning.