I ran a student employment program for the local public school board for 8 years. Jobs varied each summer, but 60-90 high school students were largely hired to be summer custodians or camp counsellors.

I would hire and supervise the students. The local YMCA would partner with us to oversee and manage the day camps.

I was mostly kept out of any camp specifics unless there was a problem with the student employees or if there was a significant issue that had to be dealt with. Irate parents, usually because their child had to be removed from camp due to repeated unsafe behaviour, would be one of these issues. It was then that the parent would want to talk to me, the program coordinator.

One of these conversations made such an impact on me.

A dad called. He was angry and upset and felt his son was being unfairly removed from the program. I had heard about all the incidents leading up to the removal, so I knew this was untrue.

I listened to the father and when his story started to repeat, I interrupted. I thought this was my cue to respond and so I started explaining why the decision was made.

He then interrupted me, telling me how terrible of a listener I was.

I was taken aback. I had listened to his story and part of the second rendition of it.

However, to keep the peace, I apologized and let him talk for another 30 minutes. I said virtually nothing.

At the end of the conversation the dad came full circle. He admitted that his son was misbehaving, and he understood why he had to be removed. He explained that he and his wife were having marital problems, and this was a likely result. When he was finally finished, I thanked him for his honesty, and for understanding the decision that was made. We hung up. That was the last I heard from him.

I thought about this conversation long after. It seemed that the dad wasn’t really looking for a different result, he just wanted to feel heard.

I understand this need, but I am a person who wants to dialogue, to talk things out and come to a mutual decision. So, I found this type of communication a bit confusing. Recognizing everyone is different, I filed away this information and thought I would try it again in the future to see if this type of communicate style could be more successful than my preferred style.

A few months later I had the opportunity.  

I was running another program and a teacher librarian from an area high school called me. I had arranged a guest to speak in her library, as a mandatory part of the program, and the teacher who was assigned to supervise them was not present.  

The librarian technically could supervise but she had to supervise the entire library and felt it was a lot to ask. She was mostly frustrated with the absent teacher and called me to voice this frustration.

Rather than trying to jump in to solve the problem, I remembered my conversation from the previous summer. I decided to experiment with what I had learned and said very little. I just listened.

After about 20 minutes of listening, the teacher, like the parent, came full circle. She admitted she could supervise the students and was mostly frustrated by the absent teacher. She seemed a bit embarrassed in the end for her monologue and thanked me for listening. I said it wasn’t a problem and I promised to talk to the missing teacher later.

Both events taught me a lot.

In today’s busy workplace, one of the biggest challenges is to truly listen. There are many reasons that prevent us from doing so. We may have a tight deadline, so we don’t feel able to devote our full attention. We may be opposed to an idea or opinion, so we become closed off and defensive. Or in my case, I want to solve a problem efficiently, so I move into problem solving mode instead of just listening.

As a result, people can feel slighted and unheard, as though what we have to say is more important. This creates a defensive environment that is ripe for resentment.

When we cultivate the skill of mindful listening, we can become more effective at our job while also improving relationships with colleagues, partners, and clients.

As Tamara Levitt, author and founder of the Calm App explains, “mindful listening starts with being present, with kindness, and without judgement. When we listen, our only task it to listen, without reaching for our phone, planning our response, or daydreaming. We give the person speaking our full attention, leaving them time to say everything they need to say without interrupting or objecting.”

Whether you are listening to a story, idea, or a complaint, try to give the person speaking room to express themselves completely. Listen with mindful attention. Practice pausing before you respond to ensure you understand what has been said and ask questions if anything feels unclear.

This can be difficult at times, but by taking the time to truly understand what someone is saying we build a deeper and more positive culture of trust and respect.

As a challenge today and this week, I invite you to spend a little extra time mindfully listening. Observe how others react to the extra attention. Notice if it makes an impact. It just might surprise you.